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dating jokes
The World's Shortest Books
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- "My Plan To Find The Real Killers" by
O.J. Simpson
- The Difference between Reality and
Dilbert
- Human Rights Advances in China
- "Things I Wouldn't Do for Money" by
Dennis Rodman
- Al Gore: The Wild Years
- Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific
Ocean
- America's Most Popular Lawyers
- Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts
Majors
- Detroit - A Travel Guide
- Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
- Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of
Motivational Speeches
- Easy UNIX
- Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
- Everything Men Know About Women
- Everything Women Know About Men
- French Hospitality
- "The Book of Virtues" by Bill Clinton
- George Foreman's Big Book of Baby
Names
- "How to Sustain a Musical Career" by
Art Garfunkel
- Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating
Etiquette
- "One Hundred and One Spotted Owl
Recipes" by the EPA
- Staple Your Way to Success
- The Amish Phone Directory
- The Engineer's Guide to Fashion Jim 04/09/2009
The World Shortest Books
-"My Plan To Find The Real Killers" by O.J. Simpson
- The Difference between Reality and Dilbert
- Human Rights Advances in China
- "Things I Wouldn't Do for Money" by Dennis Rodman
- Al Gore: The Wild Years
- Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean
- America's Most Popular Lawyers
- Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
- Detroit - A Travel Guide
- Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
- Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
- Easy UNIX
- Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
- Everything Men Know About Women
- Everything Women Know About Men
- French Hospitality
- "The Book of Virtues" by Bill Clinton
- George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names
- "How to Sustain a Musical Career" by Art Garfunkel
- Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
- "One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes" by the EPA
- Staple Your Way to Success
- The Amish Phone Directory
- The Engineer's Guide to Fashion Nancy Drew 02/02/2009
A guy walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar. "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" he said to her.
"I don't know," replied the beautiful young woman. "It depends how personal it is."
"OK," the guy said. "How many men have you slept with?"
"I'm not going to tell you that!" the woman exclaimed. "That's my business!"
"Sorry," said the guy, "I didn't realize you made a living out of it." Koles 08/19/2008
Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, Little Johnny's Father asked how much his last date had cost.
Little Johnny calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15 or so I think."
"Well," said his Father, "I'm proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening."
"To be honest Dad," Little Johnny went on, "we'd have done more, but that was all the money she had." Andrew 08/09/2008
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." Jim 08/05/2008
An old man and a old woman met at an retirement home. They had been dating for quite some time now and one day the old man asks, "If I pull out my penis, would you hold it?" The women agrees and so everyday they would sit on a bench in the garden and the woman would hold the man's penis. One day the woman went to the garden early and found the man with another woman. She approached the man and asked what the other woman has that she doesn't. The man replied gleefully "Parkinsons"! Andrew 08/01/2008
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card, invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later.
His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.
"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.
"Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother.
"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook ..." Jim 07/28/2008
A boy takes a girl out on a first date. He drives them to a remote and romantic spot outside the city, puts his arms around her and says: "what do you know, wer'e out of gas".
The girl then opens a purse and puts out a bottle.
"Cool, is this wine?" the boy asks.
"No", she answers, "It's gasoline". Jim 07/23/2008
An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.
"Well," she says, responding very carefully, "I’d have to say I would like it infrequently.
"The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then, looking over his glasses, he looked her in the eye casually asking, "Was that one word or two words?" Koles 06/25/2008
Fred's convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road.
"I suppose," said his pretty but reluctant date, "you're going to pull the old 'out of gas' routine."
"No," said Fred, " I'm going to pull the 'here after' routine."
"The 'here after' routine... what's that?" she wanted to know.
"If you're not here after what I'm here after, you'll be here after I'm gone!" he replies. Andrew 06/18/2008
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